


Life As We Know It

by sa80349



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Character Death, F/M, Inspired by a Movie, Minor Huntsman | Sheriff Graham/ Emma Swan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-13 01:49:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7957687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sa80349/pseuds/sa80349
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the movie of the same name. Emma and Killian unwittingly find themselves appointed as guardians to their best friends' daughter, hijinks ensue. Captain Swan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life As We Know It

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sure this trope has been done to death but I was inspired to write a little CS fic after rewatching the movie. It pretty much follows most modern AUs - Emma still grew up in the foster system and didn't meet MM and David until she was in college, Neal was around but no Henry.
> 
> First fic so apologies for any errors.

* * *

“Did you get the cake?” Are the first hurried words out of Mary Margaret’s mouth as she pulls open the door to reveal Emma, who is currently balancing a small mountain of presents in one arm and keeping a firm grip on said cake box with her other.

The blonde woman laughs easily, pushing past her friend into the spacious suburban house.

“Well hello to you to, Mary Margaret,” She retorts teasingly, “Of course I picked up the cake, I couldn’t let my favourite goddaughter not have a birthday cake could I?”

Mary Margaret rolls her eyes at her friend, effortlessly whisking the cake away from Emma and placing it on the kitchen counter for inspection. 

“She is your only goddaughter you know,” She disappears momentarily into the living room before re-emerging with her daughter in her arms. Emma’s face breaks into a wide smile as reaches for Eva, smothering the little girl with kisses as soon as she gets her in her arms. She looks up from the baby on her hip just long enough to briefly meet Mary Margaret’s eyes, 

“Even if I had a hundred godchildren Eva would still be my favourite, wouldn’t you Princess Eva, huh?” She says the last bit in a baby voice, tickling Eva until she giggles as Mary Margaret watches on, momentarily distracted from her inspection of the cake, and shakes her head affectionately.

Mary Margaret and David had been the first of their friends to have a baby, and subsequently Eva was doted upon by all of her parent’s friends, not least by her godparents.

It was at that moment that her godfather, flanked by her father, appeared, swooping in and grabbing her out of Emma’s arms cooing compliments at the little girl. David found his way to his wife, pressing a loving kiss on the side of her head as she busied herself at the kitchen counter.

“Hey!” Emma exclaimed, throwing a furious look at the man beside her, “I was holding her!”

Killian’s eyes twinkled as he turned to look at her, his eyes appreciatively flickering up and down her body before he returned her gaze, his trademark smirk settling upon his lips.

“My apologies, Swan. You know I’m powerless to resist a beautiful girl.” He licked his lips slowly and deliberately, one eyebrow rising slightly as if daring her to retort. Taking a deep breath Emma reminded herself that she was to rise above the childish behaviour of Killian Jones, she was here for Eva and she had to co-exist with him for her sake.

“Funny that they have no trouble resisting you.” She sang in a singsong voice as she sauntered off to help Mary Margaret, ignoring the dirty look he threw her.

“Jealousy doesn’t look good on you, Swan.” He called at her retreating figure, scowling and turning his attention to the baby in his arms, “But,” He crooned softly, smiling as the little girl captured his finger in her tiny fist, “Everything looks good on you, little love, because you are the most beautiful baby in the world!” Eva gurgled in appreciation and he couldn’t help but laugh back at her. 

\---

It was a common joke among their group of friends of how badly Mary Margaret and David had got it wrong when they had set Killian and Emma up on a blind date years before. Emma was fresh out of a three-year relationship with August, the permanently tortured writer who fancied himself the next Hemingway, and Killian had just moved back to Boston. In theory it had seemed like a great idea, Mary Margaret’s college roommate with David’s. In reality it was nothing short of a disaster. The story was often rehashed at friendly gatherings, after everyone had consumed a few too many beers, although Killian and Emma did tend to tell _vastly_ different accounts.

(“So there I was waiting, he’s _an hour_ late by this point-” “Don’t be ridiculous, Swan, it was five minutes at most.”

“He shows up with no reservation, no car-” “Gods, I had just moved to town, what did you expect?”

“Looks me up and down like I’m a piece of meat-” “Swan, it was _not_ my fault you chose to wear that outrageous red dress.”

“- and then proceeds to answer the phone to one of his hoes right in front of me!” “She was most certainly not a _hoe,_ she was actually a very classy girl, a lawyer if I recall correctly.”

“- starts making plans to see her later that night!” “Like I said, I was new in town, who was I to turn down friends?”

“And then has the gall to act as though I’m the rude person for refusing to go!” “It’s very bad form to leave a man hanging like that, Swan. Luckily I had my lovely lawyer friend to warm my bed that night- Ow, what was that for?”)

Unfortunately for them, whilst their relationship – if you can call it that – wasn’t meant to last, their friends certainly was and they found themselves thrown together throughout the years at various birthday’s, Thanksgivings, their wedding and finally as godparents.

It had been Eva’s birth that had led to their truce really. As soon as they had laid eyes on the newborn, with her mother’s dark hair and her father’s blue eyes, they had both fallen head over heels in love with the little girl, and any issues between them had paled in comparison to the love they held for her. Not that that meant they didn’t still bicker like their lives depended on it, but it was progress nonetheless.

That’s how they found themselves posing round the elaborate cake (“She’s _one_ , Mary Margaret, she’s not going to care about what the cake looked like,” “David, it’s her first birthday, these pictures are going to be around a long time.”), as Mary Margaret played professional photographer, instructing them to move their heads just so, and smile for the camera. She’d never admit it, but when she snuck a look at the pictures later on she had to admit they looked good together.

(Those thoughts quickly disappeared when he loudly announced that he needed to leave to meet, as he puts it, ‘one of those hoes Swan here is so jealous of’. Because obviously he was going to leave his goddaughter’s first birthday party to _get laid._ And yes, technically the party may have finished but he could have stayed to help them clean up.)

 

* * *

 

She gets the call a little after 10:30 on a Tuesday night. She’d been settling down in bed with a generous glass of red wine and her favourite takeout - grilled cheese and onion rings from the diner near her work– when her phone had gone off. Initially she’d ignored it, _who even calls anymore_ , but after the second time she’d huffed a sigh and picked up.

Five minutes later she was in her yellow bug on the way to the local hospital.

By the time she gets there they’re both gone, in their place is a police officer wearing an all too familiar expression on her face. Her heart drops immediately because she knows that face, she’s made that face and she knows what it means. She asks anyway, their names catching on her lips but she was right. She can vaguely hear words – ‘dead on impact’ ‘wouldn’t have felt a thing’ when another worry seizes her, ice-cold fear paralyzing her entire body.

“Eva,” she chokes out eventually, “They have a baby. Eva.” She manages to look up at the officer through the tears that are blurring her vision, desperately hoping.

“Their baby is fine. She was in the vehicle but only has minor injuries. She’s very lucky.” Emma loses it at that point, collapsing down onto the floor, her arms wrapped around her body holding herself together as she frantically tries to process what’s being said. Because whilst Eva might be _lucky_ to be alive, she’s just lost both her parent. That’s not lucky, not in any sense of the word. The officer keeps talking but she can’t make sense of any of the words through the roaring in her ears.

“Swan.” A familiar voice cuts through the white noise, and she can feel his arms around her, holding her as her entire body convulses with the sobs wracking her body. She can feel him pulling her up, guiding her towards the seats but she doesn’t open her eyes, choosing instead to let the tears wash over her. Part of her believes that so long as she keeps them shut she can pretend this is all a dream, a horrible nightmare, but one that she’ll wake up from.

When she opens her eyes she isn’t met by Mary Margaret’s warm brown eyes and inviting smile, but Killian’s bright blue eyes staring worriedly down at her.

“I…” She chokes out before the familiar tightening in her throat comes back, causing her to choke out another sob. She can feel his eyes on her, his hand stroking her hair and can hear him making soft soothing noises, but none of it matters. He waits until she’s calmed down before he tries talking to her.

“Emma,” She absentmindedly notes that this is perhaps the first time he’s ever used her given name, “I know this is hard, trust me, I know.” He scrunches up his eyes briefly, his voice catching, “But we need to hold it together.”

She nods, not trusting herself with words just yet.

He looks down at her, the hand not around her moving up to wipe the latest tears away from her face.

“I’m going to go talk to the social worker, we might be able to see Eva.” At the mention of their goddaughter she feels a fresh batch of tears well up in her eyes, and he sighs, pressing his lips to the side of her head, “I’ll be back soon, Swan.”

She watches him as he moves to talk to the officials that have been gathering near the reception desk and bites down on her lip hard. He’s right, they need to find Eva and then… then they can worry about the rest. 

\--

Killian manages to sweet talk the social worker into not only letting them see Eva, but into taking her home. When the nurse brings the little girl out she is smiling, the only sign of the trauma of the night is a small bruise on her forehead. Emma starts shaking upon sight, and seriously questions if she’d be able to remain upright if it wasn’t for Killian’s arm on her back forcing her to stand up. He lets her take the baby as soon as the nurse is close enough and she pulls Eva close to her, inhaling her sweet baby scent and trying to hold back her tears. Because this, this little baby, is all that is left of her two best friends. 

“Their lawyer will come round in the morning,” He whispers into her ear, one hand on the small of her back and the other cupped carefully around Eva’s head, “But we can take her home for now. I figured that was better than…” He breaks off and Emma nods furiously. She’s not sure what the alternative is, but she’ll be damned if she isn’t taking Mary Margaret’s daughter home with her.

They don’t have a car seat, and it’s not exactly like they can use Eva’s typical one, so Killian settles in the back of Emma’s bug with Eva carefully cradled against his chest. She knows they shouldn’t but nowhere is going to be selling car seats at this hour – it’s way past midnight by now she’s sure, - and all she knows is that she needs to get Eva home. It’s probably the slowest she’s ever driven, but she’s not taking any chances and from the steely look in Killian’s eyes he doesn’t blame her. Eventually they manage to get her home and lowered into her crib. They stand and watch her together, her little chest rising and falling, oblivious to all the drama, her hands curled into fists above her head.

“Killian, I - ” She turns to look at him with wide eyes, but he simply shakes his head, his own eyes dark and cloudy.

“Don’t,” He says finally, pulling her close, “We can talk in the morning, let’s just try and get some sleep.”

\---

 Neither of them sleep a wink. She gives up at 6am, calling into the station to tell them she won’t be in for a few days at least before padding downstairs to make coffee. Killian is lying on the sofa, clearly pretending to be asleep but his quick and irregular breathing alerts her to the fact that he too is wide awake. As the coffee machine splutters to life she cant help but look around the kitchen, remembering all the moments she’s spent in there with her best friend. From lazy morning coffees, to Mary Margaret’s elaborate dinners to her best friend pouring her endless glasses of wine and humming sympathetically as she listens to Emma’s latest complaints about work or guys or anything. Emma takes a deep breath, steeling herself on the side of the counter and internally counting to ten as she blinks back the tears. After what seems like a lifetime the coffee machine chirps letting her know it’s done. Wiping at her eyes Emma opens the fridge in search of milk, and lets out a loud sob. It’s nothing special, just a family fridge. But there’s something about the open carton of Mary Margaret’s favourite yogurt and the foil covered dish that makes her want to crumple on a pile on the ground.

“Swan.” Killian is at her side in an instant, his hand automatically reaching for her back, worry filling his blue eyes.

“I’m fine, I just,” Her face crumples, “I needed milk, but they’re not…” She lets out a deep sob, “They’re not coming back.”

She can feel his arms wrapping around her, but he doesn’t say anything, allowing them instead to just stand in front of the open refrigerator until she collects herself enough to grab the milk and shut the door.

He carefully takes the carton from her hands and fusses around making their drinks before handing her back a steaming mug.

“Gold said he’d be here at 9,” Emma hums softly, her hands wrapped around the mug – ‘World’s Best Dad!’ – absentmindedly wondering how they’re going to pass the time until then.

She lets herself look up at him and notes that he at least looks as terrible as she feels, and just as she’s about to open her mouth to say something, to thank him for holding it together for them both, a piercing cry comes from upstairs.

“I’ll get her,” She says, setting her untouched mug back down on the counter, and he offers her the smallest of smiles as she leaves.

\---

True to his word Mr Gold shows up at exactly 9am. Eva is wide awake by that point and they glance hopelessly at each other before carefully stowing her in her bouncy chair, a silent agreement between them that Eva shouldn’t be involved in this meeting, despite the fact that it’s not like she’ll be able to understand anything anyway.

Instead they settle at the dining room table, fresh cups of coffee in front of them all and Mr Gold directly across from them, the older man shuffling papers around.

“Firstly, I would just like to say how sorry I am for your loss,” He looks up with genuine sincerity in his eyes and Emma nods, swallowing, desperately trying to supress the sob that’s threatening to spill out. Killian stays stoic but she can feel his hand on her thigh under the table, an attempt to comfort them both. Gold continues,

“And I know you both must have a lot of questions, so feel free to ask me anything before we begin.”

Emma and Killian share a nervous glance before she clears her throat,

“I guess… I guess our main question is Eva.” She anxiously chews at her lips, “What’s going to happen to her?” She can feel Killian squeeze her leg slightly and she’s thankful for the action.

Mr Gold stares wearily back at them, his expression unreadable.

“Did Mr and Mrs Nolan never mention what was to happen to Eva in the unlikely event of something happening to them both?”

Emma turns to Killian, pleased to find he looks just as confused as she feels. Noticing their matching expressions Gold lets out a deep sigh.

“Mr and Mrs Nolan were very thorough with their will. They made it clear that if anything was to happen to them, they wanted the two of you to raise Eva.”

They all sit in silence for a moment, Emma doesn’t dare look up at Killian and she can feel his hand slip back into his own lap. Trying to ignore the pounding in her head she looks up at Mr Gold, a sense of determination coming over her. Killian had been strong for her last night, so now it was her turn.

“The two of us?” She licks her lips nervously, glancing over at Killian who is steadfastly staring at the wall across the room, “Together?”

Mr Gold raises his hands, and nods,

“That what’s they stipulated – joint custody, see?” He pushes a piece of paper across to her and she pretends to read it, her mind spinning way too much to actually take on board the meaning of the words.

“They have assets too, of course.” Gold casts a wary glance at Killian before turning his attention back to Emma, “As I’m sure you know Mrs Nolan received quite the inheritance from her parents, the house is all paid for and they’d already set up the necessary trusts for Eva’s education.”

Emma nodded slowly, “So all we would need to pay for is day to day living essentially?”

“Well, not exactly. In this scenario there is a trust available, it’s not an awful lot -” Emma couldn’t help a small smile creep onto her lips, Mary Margaret had always been so insistent that despite their substantial wealth she didn’t want Eva growing up feeling entitled, “but it’s enough that you wont be worrying about finances, Miss Swan.”

Emma nodded slowly, David and Mary Margaret had always been planners so the idea that they had planned provisions for their daughter so meticulously shouldn’t really be a surprise.

“Well, I mean,” She turned to look at Eva across the room, who was currently trying to stuff her fist in her mouth, “This is all sounds very reasonable.”

A loud scoff was heard from next to her.

“Are you out of your bloody mind, Swan?” He was looking at her now with an expression of pure incredulity on his face, “We’re not raising a bloody baby.”

Before she could reply he had turned to Mr Gold,

“There must be someone else, mate, surely they included a back up?” Emma finally managed to shut her gaping mouth and turned her attention from Killian back to Mr Gold, who had his lips pressed tightly together.

“Mr and Mrs Nolan were quite clear about their preferences for custody.”

Undeterred, Killian pressed on.

“So if we say no, what happens?”

Gold shrugged his shoulders slightly, “I suppose if you could find a family member willing to take her on, then that could work. Or she could be placed for adoption in the system.” He glanced over at Eva, “She’s still young so I would say her chances would be good.”

“See Swan?” Killian turned to her, a triumphant look on his face, “We can find someone else!” She stared back at him blankly, wondering how this was the same man from last night that had fought with CPS until they let him bring Eva home, protocol be damned.

Looking between them Gold let out a sigh, collecting the papers from in front of him.

“Well, it seems you two need to have a long hard think about what you’re going to do.” He pushed back from the table; “I’ll call you tomorrow. Don’t worry, I can see myself out.”

As soon as the door clicked shut she heard Killian’s chair scrape across the floor, and him muttering under his breath as he headed for the door, letting it slam shut behind him. Emma looked down at her hands, letting out a shaky sigh before standing up and heading towards Eva. The little girl let out a wide grin upon seeing her, reaching her hands up and sighing contentedly when Emma scooped her up into her arms, rocking her gently.

“Don’t worry Princess,” She whispered softly, her lips pressed against Eva’s downy head, “I’ve got you.”

\---

Killian arrives back just after six, a brown paper bag in hand. She’s waiting for him in the kitchen, and he sighs when he sees her.

“Swan, I’m -” He breaks off, rubbing one hand behind his ear, “I’m sorry. I just -” He stops again, gently placing the bottle of rum he’d been holding on the counter in front of her, “I needed some time.”

She can feel his burning gaze on her but she doesn’t meet his eyes, instead choosing to slip off the stall and grab two glasses from the cupboard, pouring them both generous measures of rum.

She finally looks up at him, her green eyes wide and understanding. If anyone gets needing to run away when things get hard, it’s her. She lifts her glass towards him and he sighs and brushes his own against hers before draining the amber liquid. She immediately pours them both refills.

“It’s fine, Killian.” She says eventually, “I get that you needed space, but we do need to talk.”

He nods, staring at her wordlessly. Sighing Emma looks down at her glass, planning what to say next.

“I’m not,” She swallows a sob, “I’m not giving her up.”

His brow is furrowed, and instead of answering her he takes another swig of rum, neat, his eyes back on his glass.

“I…I grew up in the system.” He raises his eyes to meet hers, her green eyes wide and pleading, “I can’t do that to her. I can’t let her grow up the way I did.”

She looks vulnerable, like she’s given him a piece of her and she’s waiting to see what he does with it. He’s watching her intently, his blue eyes not giving anything away.

“I never had a family,” She pauses, a wry smile forming on her lips, “Until I met Mary Margaret.”

He knows at that moment, he knows they’re going to keep her. Because if there is one thing he knows about Emma Swan it’s that she’ll do anything for her loved ones, and she’s right. David and Mary Margaret have done so much for them, they were family and they trusted them with their daughter. They can’t let them down.

“Aye,” He says eventually, knowing there was never really any choice, “I know, Swan.” He moves over to her, wrapping his arm around her and letting her cry into his shoulder once more as he stared blankly ahead.

 

* * *

 

They make a schedule. An enormous, complicated schedule complete with different coloured post it notes and giant arrows. It’s not ideal but it works. Luckily, their schedules are fairly compatible; Emma works most days, and Killian can do the majority of his day-to-day work from home, he works nearly every night at his bar, during which Emma watches Eva. There are issues of course, sometimes Emma gets called in for a night shift or Killian has to be at the bar to take deliveries but they have a lot of friends who are willing babysitters. It’s not perfect, not by a long shot, but somehow it works.

Emma finds herself tasked with taking Eva to her next appointment with her paediatrician, the same paediatrician she remembers Mary Margaret gushing to her about months before (“Emma, I think you’d really like him, he’s funny and he’s so good with Eva, plus he’s not exactly hard to look at.” “Mary Margaret!” “What? I might be married but I’m not _blind_!”). As much as she hates that she’s the one that has to do this – she still cant shake the fact that it should be Mary Margaret and David doing this, god, what does she even know about babies? – She can’t deny that a part of her is vaguely curious about him.

He doesn’t disappoint.

He has brown curly hair with pale blue eyes and managed to make Eva smile without even opening his mouth, although she wasn’t expecting the soft Irish lilt of his voice, because of course he would have an accent.

“Miss Swan, I’m Dr Humbert, I was so sorry to hear about Mr and Mrs Nolan.” His eyes are overflowing with sincerity and she ducks her head slightly, well practised in this routine by now.

“Thank you,” She replies, offering him a quick smile before turning her attention back to Eva – letting her play with her fingers as she sits on the table.

“And I just wanted to say,” She looks back up at him, “That I think what you’re doing for Eva is remarkable, she’s very lucky to have you.”

Emma flushes at this, tearing her eyes away from him to look back down at Eva, stroking her hair off her face.

“Thank you, but I can’t take all the credit. Killian – her godfather – has been a godsend.” Graham’s expression falters at this, but he recovers quickly smiling down at Eva as he begins the examination. They make small talk for the next ten minutes, exchanging questions and observations about Eva. Once she’s given a clean bill of health Emma can feel herself relax because despite everything she and Killian have clearly managed to do _something right_.

He clearly notices if the smile he shoots her if anything to go by. 

“You’re doing a great job with her, Miss Swan.” He says softly, and Emma allows the compliment to wash over her as she grabs Eva off the table, settling her back on her hip.

“Thank you doctor” She shoots him a grateful smile that he returns.

“Please, Miss Swan, call me Graham.” Eva babbles in her arms and she looks down at the baby, smiling at her.

“Thank you, _Graham.”_ She enunciates, “And it’s Emma.”

“Emma,” He tests the name on his lips, smiling, “Well, _Emma_ , please don’t hesitate if you need anything.”

She grins back before she can help herself, rolling her eyes as she walks out the open door. If she swings her hips a little more than usual then it’s purely because of the weight of Eva on her hip, nothing at all to do with the cute Irish doctor.

 

* * *

 

 It’s stupid. The entire fight is stupid and she _knows_ it. But she’s a fighter, she’s never been one to back down and that’s how it ends up like this. She had a night shift that had been on the calendar for weeks, when Killian had sauntered up and informed her that _he_ needed to work that night and _she_ should swap shifts. It probably would have been easy enough to do, it was a Tuesday so it’s not like any of the other detectives would have had particularly special plans, and his reasoning _was_ sound (three of his workers had called in sick) but she had decided to hold her ground. This was the third time in the last two weeks that he’d told her they needed to change the schedule at the last minute. It wasn’t that she didn’t understand that things could change suddenly, it was more his blasé attitude, as though he felt that because he owned his business and she was a mere employee at hers that his work somehow trumped hers.

They’d ended up in a stand off, neither willing to back down. Eventually she’d given him a withering look,

“Fine, if your precious bar is more important than Eva then go ahead.” He’d opened his mouth to respond but seemed to think better of it before he said anything, closing it and turning round on his heel.

She’d glared at his disappearing figure, arms crossed tightly across her chest, before huffing out a sigh and looking down at Eva.

“I guess it’s just you and me, kid” She’d said reaching down to retrieve the infant from her crib, sighing as she reached for her phone.

\---

He’d come home earlier than expected, not long after 11. He found her in the slider in Eva’s room, the baby clutched in her arms as she whispered softly to her, her eyes rising to meet his over Eva’s head. She didn’t acknowledge his appearance but did stand, hushing the baby as she lowered her back into her crib, ignoring Eva’s fussing.

She kept stoically silent until they left the nursery, the door closing softly behind them.

“Swan -”

“Nice of you to join us, finally.” She crosses her arms and fixes him with a steely glare.

“Emma, I’m sorry. I’m still figuring this out.” His apologetic tone makes her pause for a moment but she blinks and refocuses.

“Well, some of us have our priorities straight.” She looks away, “With Eva at the top.”

He swallows, freezing in front of her, his left hand inadvertently clenching into a fist.

“Don’t you dare do this,” His voice is low yet even, and she knows that he is this close to losing it with her but she keeps going, knowing that she’s about to push him over the edge,

“Do what Killian, what am exactly am I doing?” She looks straight at him, her green eyes steely.

“Make me feel like a bad person because I don’t want this, I don’t want her.” He breaks off furiously, his cheeks red and he finally looks up and meets her cold gaze.

“I don’t want this.” He repeats softly, lowering his gaze to the floor.

She’s shaking, because she _knew_ it, she knew that he was going to leave and now he’s finally admitted it and she was right. Her arms are crossed against her body, holding herself together as she takes a shaky breath.

“You need to go,” She says eventually, her eyes steadfastly on the floor rather than meeting his eyes.

“Swan, I’m not… I’m not going to leave you, I just…” He breaks off, his face crumpled, willing her to look at him, so he can make her understand. He reaches his hand out touching her arm softly, but she shakes him off.

“No, you need to go.” Her voice is steady this time and she lifts her head up, “We don’t need you, we never did and the only mistake I made was thinking that we did.”

Her words hit their target and she can almost see him visibly recoil, but she swallows and refuses to look away. They stay still for a moment, before Killian gives in and turns away continuing to make his way to the door. He pauses slightly as he pulls it open, turning his head to look at her and for a moment she thinks he is going to say something, that he’s going to fight for them, for _her_ , but instead he just sighs and lets himself out. The dull thud of the heavy wood door reverberates throughout the loud empty house and Emma sinks slowly down onto the step she’s been standing on, lowering her head into her hands and she lets out a heaving sob. She wishes, not for the first time, that Mary Margaret was there. She had always known exactly what to say to make her feel better and right now she could really use her best friend.

\---

She’s staring at the TV when he gets in, and if she heard his keys in the door she’s chosen to ignore it. He sighs heavily and drops his keys down on the sideboard wincing slightly at the noise.

“Swan.” She ignores him and instead reaches for the remote, turning the volume up to drown him out.

“ _Swan_.” He repeats, the exasperation clear in his voice as he reaches across her to turn the TV off. She folds her arms across her chest, but still doesn’t meet his gaze.

Sighing heavily he drops a brown paper bag on her lap. She turns slightly, her curiosity piqued. 

“A peace offering.” He answers her unasked question, dropping down next to her on the sofa.

“A bear claw? Really?” She turns to look at him, and he offers her a half smile. She rolls her eyes but reaches up to take a bite anyway; in all the drama she’d completely forgotten to eat dinner.

“I’m sorry Swan, I am.” Emma stiffens next to him, but he keeps going, “I just… I never thought this would happen, I never wanted it to. David was, well he was a good guy, probably the best guy.” He lets out a deep sigh and turns to look down at her, “Do you remember that night we went out, Swan? You caught me at a, lets say dark time. My girlfriend, Milah, had just passed away. I was, lost I guess.”

Emma inadvertently finds herself leaning into him, her fingers finding his and tangling them together, silently encouraging him.

“David used to come check in on me, everyday.” He lets out a short laugh, “He’d clear out the rum bottles, force me to shower and shave, he used to tell me I looked like a bloody pirate. Truth is, I probably wouldn’t have survived that time without him, it’s not like I have a lot of people waiting to save me.”

Emma squeezes his hand, “I know how that feels.” He waits a moment in case she wants to say anything else, but when she stayed silent, a solid weight in his arms he chooses to say something himself.

“Perhaps we’re more alike than you’d think, Swan.” He murmurs, gently pressing a kiss to her forehead.

 

* * *

 

 “I want to see how you do it.” She says one day over breakfast, her smirk hidden by the mug of coffee she has grasped in her hand. It’s a Saturday and the two of them both have the day off, a rare occurrence. Killian had been out last night, the click of the front door in the early hours of the morning had been the only thing alerting her to the fact that he hadn’t returned home the night before. Despite their new Eva heavy schedule, it never ceased to surprise her that Killian continued to relish in his bachelor ways, especially since she couldn’t remember the last time she had even _thought_ about anything like that.

He smirks right back at her, his eyes glinting in the early morning sun.

“And what exactly are you talking about, Swan?” He cocks an eyebrow at her before carefully spooning another heaped spoon of baby food into Eva’s waiting mouth. She shoots him a look,

“The women, Killian. How do you manage to balance all of this,” She gestures wildly at the kitchen, “with that?”

He lets out a laugh at that, reaching over with a cloth to gently wipe Eva’s face before setting the spoon back on the counter.

“What can I say, Swan? I’m a devilishly handsome bar owner with an accent, I can’t help that girls fall at my feet.” He grins at her and she rolls her eyes in response, not wanting to admit that he might have a point.

“I want to come with you tonight.” His eyebrows shoot up, nearly disappearing into his rumpled hair.

“You want me to bring you to the bar tonight?” She nods, holding her head up high and ignoring his laughter, “That’s not on the schedule, Swan.” He cocks his head towards the giant calendar hanging on the wall a teasing tone in his voice.

She gives him a hard stare, before standing up and trading her mug of coffee for the Sharpie on the counter. Casting him a meaningful look over her shoulder she writes BAR, covering all the various notes already written on it.

“Better?” She counters, and he breaks into a fresh round of laughter, his blue eyes twinkling good-naturedly.

“Pick you up at 8, Swan!” He calls across the room as she moves to go upstairs, ignoring the glare she shoots him over her shoulder.

\--

She doesn’t know why she’s so dressed up for this, maybe because it’s the first time in what feels like forever that she’s got to wear something she wanted and not just whatever was clean. It feels good. She has on a short, tight dress – not too dissimilar to the one she had worn on her ill-fated date with Killian way back when, and heels. She knows she looks good, if only by the cock of the eyebrow that Killian had given her when she’d come downstairs or Elsa’s not so thinly veiled comments as they’d said their goodbyes.

(“For Killian?” Elsa had whispered whilst Killian was looking for his keys, one perfectly plucked eyebrow rising slightly and Emma had scowled, furiously denying any such accusations. 

Although she hadn’t missed the way his eyes had appreciatively roamed her body as they left the house, but really that was neither here nor there.)

They’re several drinks in by the time she finally gets him alone, the popular bar owner being very much in demand by women and regulars alike. Not that she minds, it’s just been nice to be out the house sipping her scotch and being out again – _god_ , it really has been too long. Back in college Mary Margaret used to be her bar buddy, she would sit with her and throw back too many fruity cocktails as she commented on the various guys checking Emma out and drunkenly encouraging Emma to take their numbers. She shakes her head, this is meant to be her night to forget, she can’t just sit here thinking about her friend, no matter how tempting.

“Penny for your thoughts, Swan?” She hadn’t even noticed him slide into the seat across from her, but she happily accepts the drink he’d brought with him, shaking off his question though.

“I guess you weren’t totally wrong about the bartender thing,” She said, rolling her eyes and taking a long sip of her drink, noticing the way his shirt rode up slightly as he leant back against the back of the booth, exposing the tiniest slither of taut tummy.

“I think you mean bar _owner,_ love.” He countered, taking a long swig of his own drink his blue eyes glimmering in the dim lighting, “And I’m not the only one with an admirer.”

Emma scrunched up her face at his remark and he pointedly looked towards the bar behind her, causing her to very obviously swivel in her seat to check out the mystery guy and, oh…

It’s Graham, sitting on his own at the bar, a pint of beer in his hand. When he saw her looking over he smiled warmly and raised it at her. She could feel the heat in her cheeks and see the smirk on Killian’s face before she even turned back around.

“Not too shabby, Swan.” He shot her his best shit-eating grin and moved to the end of his seat, “I’ll leave you two alone then.” He paused beside the table before leaning in, his hot breath tickling her ear – “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t, Emma.”

She swats him away and downs the rest of her drink, steeling herself for what she’s about to do. Setting her glass back down on the table and very deliberately avoiding Killian’s gaze she walks up to Graham, sidling into the unoccupied stool beside him.

“Graham,”

“Emma,” They smile at each other like love struck teenagers and she’s worried for a moment that she’s made a mistake and this is going to be awkward, when Graham leans in and asks her what she’d like to drink.

She doesn’t go home with that night, but she _does_ go home with his private number and a date for next weekend.

Killian doesn’t make it home that night.

 

* * *

 

 

“So what do you think?” Emma asked teasingly, twirling around the living room and letting the full skirt of her dress swing out around her, before making a face down at Eva and causing her to giggle. 

“You look wonderful, Swan.” Killian said, the sincerity in his voice causing Emma to look up from the baby and over at him in surprise.

“Oh, um, thanks.” She replied smoothing down the skirt of her dress as she straightened up, praying he didn’t mention the telling flush of her cheeks. She could feel his eyes on her, looking her up and down appreciatively but before she could comment the bell went.

“Oh, I better…” She broke off, chewing on her lip, at the same time Killian told her to go, as he bent down to scoop Eva off the floor, trailing after her as she made her way to the door.

“Graham.” Emma said as she pulled the heavy door open, smiling softly.

“Emma, you look amazing.” She couldn’t help the smile that radiated across her face, it all honestly it had been a long time since anyone had looked at her the way Graham was now, even before the accident she hadn’t been one for dating, preferring instead more casual encounters that enabled her to sneak out before dawn. But things had changed, she thought, as she slid her coat on, she had Eva now and she had to stop running, she needed to be more open so that Eva wouldn’t grow up fearing love the way she had, she wanted to set a good example.

“Shall we?” Graham said, offering her arm in a way that was so ridiculously old fashioned, _something David would do_ she thought before she could stop herself, and she nodded, turning briefly to look back at Eva, who was sucking her thumb and safely nestled in Killian’s arms. As if sensing her uncertainty he rolled his eyes at her,

“Go, Swan.” He shifted her on his hip, “I’ve got this.”

Smiling back at him she waved at Eva before taking Graham’s proffered arm and allowing the door to swing shut behind her.

\---

It was too good to last.

They’d been having a great time, Graham had told her about his childhood in Ireland and his volunteer work at the local animal shelter – seriously, a paediatrician who volunteered with homeless animals, was this guy even real? – and she’d told him about meeting Mary Margaret in college, how she’d been the first person to ever really believe in her, and how honestly she had no idea what she was doing with a baby, but she felt she owed it to her friend to do her best.

Graham had looked at her then, his blue eyes soft and sincere, as he had covered her hand with his;

“I think you’re doing a wonderful job Emma.” She had nearly cried, but before she could reply her phone had sprung to life, cutting her off.

_Killian Jones._

Of course.

“Sorry,” She’d smiled sweetly, “I just have to get this.”

“Killian,” She hissed down the phone, turning away from Graham, “What is it? I’m on a date.”

“Oh really, love? Hadn’t noticed.” She’s about to hang up when his voice changes, “Swan, it’s Eva.” His breath hitched and she could feel her heart thudding in her chest, “Something’s wrong.”

“What?” Her head spun back at that moment, her startled eyes meeting Graham’s, “What do you mean something’s wrong with Eva?”

“I don’t bloody know, do I!” She can hear the fear in his voice, several tones higher than usual, “She’s hot and she won’t stop crying and _I don’t know what to do_!”

She doesn’t know what to do either, so she thrusts the phone at Graham instead, his brow furrowed as he takes it wordlessly, speaking reassuringly into the phone without taking his eyes off her, his hand reaching across the table to squeeze hers.

After a nerve-wracking minute – she’s not sure she has any nails left at this point- Graham finally puts her phone down, sighing lightly.

“She has a fever,” He says calmly, reaching into his pocket and dropping her hand, “I told Killian to bring her to the hospital, we can meet him there.” He casually thumbs out a few notes, signalling to the waitress to bring their coats over and Emma nods silently, worry clouding her green eyes.

“Emma,” Graham pulls her out of her reverie, “Eva will be fine, I promise you.”

She takes his hand on the drive on the way to the hospital, grateful for his reassuring presence.

\-----

Eva _is_ fine as it turns out. By the time she and Graham reach the ER, hands to themselves by this point, Killian is already there, a screaming Eva clutched in his arms. His face is nearly as red as the infant’s and she can see the visible relaxation of his shoulders when he catches sight of them.

Graham immediately takes charge, gently taking Eva from Killian’s arms, a hand on her forehead as he calls for a nurse, talking to him in hushed tones. Reassuring Emma and Killian that he’s just going to check Eva over and that they can wait here.

“Swan, I -” Killian falters, one hand reaching up to scratch behind his ear, a defeated look on his face, “I’m sorry, I just I -”

Emma cuts him off, pulling him in close burying her head in his shoulder, comforting him in the only way she knows how. When she finally looks up she notices Graham has taken Eva into a nearby room to check her out, and Killian is staring down at her with the same tortured expression he was wearing before.

“Hey,” She says softly, “Eva is going to be fine. This isn’t your fault.”

He nods, but she can sense that he doesn’t believe her in the slightest. Sighing she tries again,

“She’s with Graham, he’ll look after her,” he stiffens slightly at that but nods again.

Eventually she manages to lead him over to the hard chairs at the edge of the waiting room, her hands laced with his and her head resting gently on his shoulder, as they anxiously wait for news on Eva.

A few minutes later Graham emerges, a white coat on top of his dinner clothes and a wide smile on his face and a much more subdued Eva in his arms.

“Eva!” Before Emma can do anything Killian has shrugged her off, his attention on the baby in Graham’s arms.

She smiles softly, before walking over to join them.

“Well, like I suspected it’s just has a mild ear infection. I’ve administered a painkiller and an antibiotic and I’ll prescribe you some more.” He smiles at Killian as he lets him lift Eva from his arms, his lips immediately finding the top of her head as he bounces her up and down.

Shaking her head at the sight Emma places a hand on Graham’s arm, smiling softly at him.

“Thanks Graham,” She doesn’t miss the look in his eyes as he looks down at her,

“Emma, if we could…” He nods his head towards the room he had just vacated.

Widening her eyes, she nods leaning over to place a soft kiss on Eva’s forehead before following him.

As soon as he shuts the door behind him she can feel a wave of anxiety wash over her that not even his gentle eyes can soothe.

“I’m sorry our date got interrupted,” He says finally, a smile toying on his lips as he turns to face her, his hand reaching for her waist and she licks her lips nervously as he leans in…

She turns her head at the last second, allowing his lips to brush against her cheek instead.

“I’m sorry,” She says softly and he knows that she doesn’t just mean about the kiss. He nods easily, hands in his pocket a forced smile on his face.

“It’s okay Emma.” He presses his lips against her head, closing his eyes briefly before straightening up and turning to move back away. He pauses, “Just let me know if anything changes.”

She smiles weakly back at him,

“You’ll be the first to know.”

And then all of a sudden he’s gone and Killian is back and talking at a million miles an hour about how he’s signed all the discharge papers, and they just need to pick up the prescription and they’re good to go, and Swan, are you even listening? But despite the incredulous look he’s shooting her all she can do is smile back at him, because after all this time she’s finally realised what she wants, and it’s him. The ridiculous bar owner with permanently tousled hair, who cant stop cracking inappropriate jokes for a single moment but who has also been there to hold her when she’s sad and can change a diaper faster than anyone she knows. His brows are furrowed together in confusion but all she can do is laugh because of course, _of course,_ it would be him. Mary Margaret and David never got it wrong.

\---

They’re standing together, next to Eva’s crib, his arms wrapped around her and her head gently resting against his shoulder. They both _know_ that Eva is going to be fine, Graham had assured them that it was just a minor ear-infection, extremely common in babies and that with a heavy dose of infant Tylenol she would be as good as new, but still.

“This reminds me of the first night we brought her home, Swan.” He whispers quietly, acutely aware of the slumbering baby. She can’t help herself and nestles her head closer against his chest.

“I’m not sure I ever thanked you,” She pulls away for a moment to look up at him, “I don’t know what I would’ve done that night without you… I don’t know how I would do any of this without you.”

He’s looking back at her with an almost unreadable expression, but she can feel his hold on her tighten ever so slightly.

“Swan…” He says softly, gazing straight at her with a quiet intensity. Emma isn’t sure if it’s the way he’s looking at her, or the leftover adrenaline following their jaunt to the hospital or even just the fact that this guy who she once couldn’t bear to be in a room with has somehow become the most – second to Eva, of course – important person in her life. Whatever her reasons, she pulls back from his arms and leans up to kiss him, capturing his lips in her own. He doesn’t respond for a moment but then suddenly he’s kissing her back with such ferocity, one hand coming to rest on her lower back, pulling her closer in towards him and the other is tangled in her hair. She’s not sure how long they stay like that, but all too soon he’s pulled back and is looking at her with pure desire in his eyes.

“What do you say we take this out of Eva’s room, love?” He presses a gentle kiss to the side of her head and she cant stop the ear splitting grin that breaks out across her face as she allows herself to be led across the hall, to the room he’s been sleeping in. They pause for a moment staring at each other with unconcealed lust in their eyes before he’s leant forward once again, kissing her with abandon, pushing them onto the bed. 

“I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted this, Swan.” He whispers into her ear before lowering his lips back to her neck. She doesn’t respond, instead she rolls them over so she’s on top of him, deepening their kiss much to his delight, overcome with raw need in that moment.

\-- 

She half expects him to be gone when she wakes up. It’s been so long since she’s woken up with a guy in her bed that she can barely remember what it’s like. But that’s definitely Killian’s arm sprawled across her, holding her close to his chest so that she can feel the rise and fall of his chest. She’s tempted to get up, wriggle out of his grasp and shower, pretend like this never happened –

“Don’t even think about it, Swan.” She startles at his voice, low and sleepy as though he’s just barely awake. Before she can respond she can feel him pulling her closer to him, his lips absentmindedly pressing against her head. She lets herself snuggle back into him, wriggling her ass a bit more than is strictly necessary and smiling when he moans softly into her ear.  
  
Yes, she could definitely get used to this.

 ---

They settle into a new normal. In some ways it’s like nothing has changed, but at the same time everything has. She wakes up in his arms every morning and he kisses her goodbye when she leaves for work and she finds herself feeling happy in a way that she hasn’t in a long time. When she’s sitting at the counter in the mornings drinking coffee, wearing nothing but his shirt and he’s standing next to her in nothing but pyjama pants desperately trying to retain his grip on a wriggly Eva she can’t help but feel that she’s _home_.

  

* * *

She’s watching them play from her seat on the sand, watching over their stuff. They’d decided to take Eva for her first beach outing, East Coast weather be damned. She’s watching Killian and Eva paddle; he’s holding her hands so that every time a wave hits the shore he swings her above it causing no end of giggles from the little girl. Occasionally he’ll turn to look back at her, squinting against the sunshine unable to hide the grin that spreads across his face when he catches sight of her. They’ve been doing this for over a month now and she still can’t help but blush when he looks at her like that, like she’s just hung the moon or something. 

She’s torn away from her thoughts by the vibrating of a phone against her leg. With her eyes still firmly on her little family she accepts the call without looking at the caller ID.

“Hello?” Killian is swinging Eva above the waves now, eliciting screams of laughter from the little girl and Emma cant help the stupid grin that spreads across her face.

“Hi, is Killian there?” It’s a female voice and Emma realises with a jolt that she’s answered his phone, assuming it was her own. She bites back a sigh, it’s not the first time this has happened, one of his girls phoning him up wondering if he wants to come over but she’s never been on the receiving end of it before. 

“He’s actually with his family right now,” She says instead, a deliberate syrupy sweet tone seeping into her voice, hoping that the girl will get the message. Undeterred they press on and Emma simply rolls her eyes, watching Killian sweep Eva into his arms and pepper her face with kisses.

“Okay, well if you can just remind him that he needs to let us know about L.A. by close of business tomorrow, that would be great. Okay, thanks, bye!” The caller, Emma never did get her name, hangs up the phone but Emma stays stock still, her eyes shifting to the phone in front of her. L.A.? What was she talking about? Sneaking a glance up at Killian and finding him still very much engaged with playing with Eva she sighs quickly before clicking onto his caller log.

_Megan Hamilton_

Emma paused, obviously it was wrong to go through someone’s phone, especially if that someone was your sort of boyfriend, but she needed to know. For all she knew it could be something totally innocent and she was worrying herself over nothing. And yet somehow, she knew it wasn’t that. Before she could help herself she’d swiped down, eagerly tapping the name into the search bar. It was worse than she thought, there were emails, texts and the calls of course. She chewed her lip thoughtfully, contemplating her next move, her eyes quickly darting up to make sure Killian wasn’t heading back yet. Sighing, she clicked on the first option, an email from a few days before.

‘ _Hi Killian,_

_I just wanted to thank you once again for coming in the other day and to let you know how impressed we all were! If you still want it the position is yours. I’ll send through the formal contracts at the start of next week and I’m sure you’ll be hearing from the partners as well._

_I look forward to hearing from you,_

_Megan’_

Emma frowned, her mind racing in circles frantically trying to put the email together with the phone call but before she could think properly she was distracted by the squeals of Eva alerting her to the fact that she and Killian were racing back towards her. Flustered, she quickly locked the phone and dropped it back on the blanket, stretching her arms out for Eva to stumble into and dropping a kiss on her damp and salty head.

She could feel Killian drop down beside her, reaching across for a towel and then his phone and she glanced over just in time to see him frown as he checked for any notifications before shaking his head and tossing the phone back down on the blanket. She let out the breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding and focused instead on the wriggling toddler in her arms, laughing lightly as Eva babbled happily, the occasional understandable word slipping in, and steadfastly avoiding Killian’s gaze.

\---

They’re halfway back to the city before Killian caves, taking his eyes off the road for a moment to glance over at her. She’s been curled up in her seat facing away from him since they left the beach and he can’t take it any longer.

“Love,” He tries softly, conscious of the slumbering baby in the backseat, “Emma, talk to me.”

He’s rewarded with an incoherent mumble for his effort and he lets out an audible sigh.

“You know, if you want me to fix whatever it is I’ve done, you do need to let me know what exactly it is.” He tries to sound jokey, but he knows she can hear the underlying worry in his voice.

She doesn’t reply for a moment and he’s about to give up and accept that they’re spending the rest of the trip in silence, when she finally says something, her voice a little above a whisper.

“Do you want to tell me about Megan Hamilton?” He’s so surprised that he turns to look at her, and his eyes linger for a moment too long and he has to remind himself to stay focused on the road ahead.

“Where did you hear that name, love?” He can hear her sigh and he immediately knows that he’s said the wrong thing.

“It doesn’t matter,” She hisses, turning to check that Eva is still asleep behind them, “Why is she calling you demanding answers about L.A.?”

And _shit_. There it is.

“Emma, I -” 

“No,” She cuts him off in a furious tone, her voice still low for the sake of Eva, “Just tell me something, are you moving there?”

He really wishes they weren’t in the middle of traffic and that he could just pull over, because this is _really_ not a conversation he wants to be having now.

“No.” He glances across at her, and she’s staring right back at him with steely eyes, “Okay, I don’t know.”

He drums his fingers on the steering wheel in frustration, wary of the sleeping baby right behind him.

“A long time ago, before Eva,” He adds, “I was thinking about selling the bar. A company had approached me with a very generous offer and they wanted to keep me on, as a consultant of sorts. To go to other locations and help establish new bars and pubs there.” He pauses, looking over at Emma only to find her staring right back at him, her eyes narrowed.

“So you’re moving.” There’s not a single drop of emotion in her voice and that scares him.

“Emma, I didn’t say that.” He sighs deeply, “I went for a meeting and they asked me if I wanted to head up a new project in L.A. It wouldn’t be permanent, just the initial process of getting it running.”

“Which is how long?”

He doesn’t reply for a moment, eyes fixed on the road ahead.

“Nine months, a year max.” He hears the sharp intake of breath to his side, and has to fight every urge he has to reach over there and hold her.

“So what, you were just going to up and leave for a year?” She doesn’t give him a chance to respond, “God, Killian. This isn’t just some temporary arrangement, we’re meant to be her _parents,_ you don’t just get to call a time out when something more important comes up.”

“Emma, it’s not like that and you know it,” He’s gripping the steering wheel so tight that he’s a little concerned that it’s going to leave marks, “I wasn’t even going to take it -”

“But you wanted to.” She cuts him off, her glare cold and accusatory.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” He glances over at her, before sighing exasperatedly, “If things were different then of course I would take it, but things aren’t.”

“Well I’m sorry Eva and I are such an inconvenience to you,” She practically spits, her arms crossing against her chest as she shifts away from him as much is possible.

“Emma,” He breaks off, reaching his hand across the gearstick to touch her but she shakes him off, shooting him a look of disgust.

“No, you’re right.” She turns her head to look at him, “It’s like you said, you didn’t want this.”

He winces, his own words from months ago sounding so much worse in her voice.

“Just go.” He turns in surprise, noticing she’s turned away from him again, “Take the damn job, I don’t care. In fact, I would rather you did.”

He ignores her, swallowing deeply, reminding himself that she doesn’t mean it, she’s just upset and once they’re home everything will be fine.

\--

It’s not fine.

Emma still won’t talk to him and he needs to let them know _today_ if he wants the job or not. She’d left early this morning and wasn’t picking up her phone, all she’d left was a scrawled note on the counter telling him that Elsa was coming to pick up Eva at 2pm for the night. He’d read it several times scouring it for some hidden meaning before deducing that it was, in fact, nothing more than an informative note.

Elsa had come and gone and now he’s alone with his thoughts. He’d so desperately hoped that she’d come home so that they could talk about this, but she’s still MIA and the clock just keeps ticking closer to 5pm.

Resting his head in his hands he wished that David was here. Dave had always had an uncanny knack for knowing just what to do. In fact it had been his idea for Killian to open the bar following his discharge from the Navy and the Milah fiasco; he’d even fronted him some of the cash, assuring him that as long as he was given free beer for life he’d be happy. Sighing he rubbed his eyes, if he stayed what exactly was he staying for? Eva, of course, but he could still see her even if he took the job. It wasn’t permanent and he could fly back and forth for weekends and the like, but Emma… Well, she had made it clear that she didn’t want him around and the look on her face last night had confirmed it. His jaw involuntary clenched, remembering her throwing his words back in his face, as if she could even think that he didn’t want them, as if he didn’t love Eva as though she was his own daughter or that he didn’t love her…

Before he could overthink it he’d grabbed his phone, licking his lips as he heard the familiar ringing,

“Hi. Yes, this is Killian. I just wanted to let you know that I would love to take the job -”

 

* * *

 

It was weird how quickly she had settled into her new routine. Emma had never pictured herself as the domestic type, and whilst the last few months with Killian and Eva had challenged her notion of herself it hadn’t quite been like this. For the first couple of months their relationship had been mostly defined by scathing arguments in singsong voices (so as not to distress the baby), and later by their passionate kisses and raw desire for one another. No, her life with Graham now was decidedly not like that, but that wasn’t to say it wasn’t nice. Graham made her feel safe. She never worried if he was out with someone else, if he was going to come home blind drunk and most importantly she never woke with the fear that he was gone – that he’d snuck out in the middle of the night. It was _good_.

But that didn’t mean she didn’t miss Killian.

He came back every other weekend usually, would pick Eva up from her house and take her to stay with him in his old apartment above his bar. On the weeks in between they would FaceTime, Eva sitting on her lap babbling away. He’d tried to talk to her the first few times, a pleading look written all over his face but she’d just shook her head and eventually he stopped trying. Their meetings were terse, she’d update him on what Eva did and didn’t like that particular week, he would stare at her with those brilliant blue eyes just watching her, and then she would shove the bags at him and mutter about not being late to drop Eva off. He never was.

Graham had fallen back into their lives seamlessly. It had started two weeks after Killian had left when she had taken Eva in for her latest check up. After giving the little girl a clean bill of health Graham had asked after her, his gentle eyes nervously looking down at hers. She’d sighed and confessed that being a single parent to a rambunctious toddler was harder than she could have imagined, and watched his eyebrows shoot so far up his forehead that they nearly disappeared into his curly mop of hair. They’d bid their goodbyes, with promises about the next appointment and ‘call me if you need anything’ and Emma had felt lighter walking away from the doctors surgery than she had done in weeks. It hadn’t hurt that there had been a message on her voicemail when she got home from a certain Irish paediatrician asking if she was free for dinner that weekend.

\--

Things had been undeniably awkward, even more so than usual, between Emma and Killian since his last visit back to Boston. He’d dropped Eva home late on Sunday afternoon and hadn’t been able to look her in the eye. Just as she’d been about to shut the front door he had stuck up his hand, blocking it and looking up at her with a heartbroken expression. 

“She spent the afternoon asking for her mama and Gray.” He’d given her a small, clearly pained, smile and she’d just stared back at him. He knew that Eva had taken to calling her Mama (she hadn’t stopped it because, well, she _was_ sort of her mother now) but he clearly hadn’t been prepared for latest word.

“I take it Gray is Graham?” The question hung between them in the cold winter air, both of them already knowing the answer.

“Graham is a hard word to say.” She had eventually said, her arms crossing tightly over her chest and _wishing_ that she had been able to come up with something better than that.

“Aye,” Killian had let out a short, tortured laugh, “My name too, is beyond her.”

She’d frozen at that. Eva’s vocabulary had only really taken off since Killian had left and whilst the little girl could now string together limited sentences it had never occurred to her that she wouldn’t have a name for Killian. And she couldn’t blame him for looking devastated, he’d come all this way just to listen to Eva ask for another man. He’d let out a heavy sigh when she hadn’t replied, 

“Not to worry, Swan. I guess that’s what happens when…” His sentence trails off and she just blinks at him, “I’ll see you in a week, I have, uh, I took the week off so I’ll be here on the Wednesday.” She nods wordlessly, not trusting herself to not say something stupid as he lowers his eyes.

“Goodbye, Swan.” He’d whispered as he turned back down the path, towards his truck. She’d waited in the doorway, hands still crossed firmly across her chest until he was out of sight.

\--

Needless to say, Emma was _not_ looking forward to this next visit. They’d agreed that Killian would come get Eva during her lunch break; she’d taken the morning off so they could run some pre-Thanksgiving errands. When Killian had appeared, exactly on time as usual, he’d steadfastly avoided her gaze, focusing only on the rambunctious toddler in his arms. 

“Well,” He says eventually, swinging her bag onto his other shoulder, “I guess we’ll be off then.” Emma nods silently before placing a kiss on Eva’s head and turning back towards her desk. He doesn’t move for a moment, but she can soon hear his footsteps heading towards the exit.

“Hey,” She calls out suddenly, before she can lose her nerve, “If you don’t have any other plans you’re welcome to come by tomorrow.” He quirks an eyebrow, shifting Eva in his arms and she rolls her eyes, “Thanksgiving. Regina and Robin will be there, and some of the girls are coming by as well.”

A flash of understanding crosses his face, and for a moment his expression softens.

“You’re cooking?” He says, a smirk creeping across his face and his accent lilting as he teases her. Emma’s eyes narrow as she reminds herself not to rise to the bait.

“No,” She counters, “Graham is.”

The smirk instantly fades from his lips, and he swallows quickly.

“Oh so you guys are…. hosting it together then?” When Emma doesn’t reply, he lets out a small laugh, “Well that got serious soon.”

Emma swallows the bitter retorts threatening to spill out, that he has _no right_ to judge her, or her relationship, because he _left._ She wraps her arms around herself and takes a deep breath to calm herself down, to remind herself that she’s doing this for Eva, not for him.

“Well come by at 12 if you want,” Emma swings around and lowers herself down into her seat, tapping away at her computer to create an illusion of work in the hope that Killian will take the hint.

“I’ll be there Swan,” His voice is soft, all hints of teasing gone, “And I’ll drop Eva back at 6.”

Emma nods silently, diverting her eyes from him and waiting till she hears his footsteps leave the station before she looks up, a soft sigh escaping her lips.

\---

She’s been steadfastly ignoring him since he arrived, choosing instead to fuss around her guests making sure everyone’s drinks are permanently full and passing round bowls of chips. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t notice his staring; every time she’s allowed herself a glance at him she’s found his blue eyes gazing right back at her.

He finally corners her by the dining table when she’s making last minute adjustments to the place settings, his hand reaching out to grab her arm.

“Swan,” His eyes are wide and imploring, “We need to talk.”

She frowns, shaking his hand off her.

“No, we really don’t.” She practically throws the final napkin down on the table, but he’s faster, moving to stand in front of her.

“Emma, you have to hear me out.” She startles, noticing that a couple of their guests, namely Elsa and Regina have stopped their own conversations in favour of turning to watch her and Killian. She sighs heavily about to reply when he opens his mouth to resume talking;

“I know - ” He begins before she cuts him off,

“Killian, don’t be an idiot, we can't do this here,” She hisses from between her teeth, grabbing his arm and dragging him towards the kitchen, ignoring the concerned glances of their friends.

When they’re finally alone, a thin wall between them and their friends, she looks at him expectantly. 

“Well?” Her hands automatically cross in front of her and Killian has to resist the urge to go to her and take her in his arms, to tell her that she doesn’t need to put up walls with him. Instead he rubs the back of his neck and clears his throat, wondering where to start.

“There was this saying my brother always used to tell me when we were younger, ‘a man unwilling to fight for what he wants, deserves what he gets.’’ He starts before breaking off, running a hand through his already tousled hair, staring at Emma with such intensity that she can feel his gaze burning through her, “and I, I didn’t fight for you Emma, I didn’t fight for us, for _our family_. I love you.” He’s stepping forward, reaching out towards her now and she instinctively takes a step back, her fingers gripping the countertop behind her,

“Killian,” She says calmly, willing him to stop, “You don’t-“

He cuts her off, stepping forward again, “I do Emma, I love you and I love Eva and the last four months have been torture.” His voice cracks slightly, “I want my family back.”

She can feel his eyes on her, but she stares at the ground, blinking back the tears that have been threatening to spill out ever since he followed her into the kitchen. Part of her wants to run to him, let down her walls again and fall into his arms. But she doesn’t, because this is the man that walked out on her, _on Eva_ , after he promised not to.

“Say something, love.” His voice is soft and she can feel his hand on her arm, stroking softly.

“I can’t do this,” She finally says, her voice cracking slightly as she raises her head, finally meeting his gaze.

“You’re scared,” He counters, his hand moving up, brushing a loose strand of hair away from her face, “That’s okay, because I will find a way to make this up to you, we can- ” She pushes his hands away from her, holding them up in front of her and shakes her head slowly;

“No, Killian, I don’t _want_ this.” Her green eyes have an edge to them and he doesn’t dare move, “I don’t love you, I love Graham and we’re happy.”

The words slice through him and it takes all his strength to not yell out, because even though he had known that she had moved on part of him hadn’t let himself believe it, he had hoped that she still felt as he did. He had known she wasn’t just going to fall into his arms, Emma Swan was far too strong willed for that, but the idea that she loved someone else? It was too much for him.

After a beat, he looks up, forcing a tight smile onto his face.

“As you wish,” He says gently, nodding slightly as he turns away.

Emma remains in the middle of the kitchen, her arms now crossed tightly across her chest in a desperate attempt to stop the thudding of heart, beating so quickly that she was worried it was about to jump right out of her chest. She watched as he walked back into the main room, making his excuses to their – _her_ – guests, before stopping to lift Eva out of Belle’s arms. She swallows hard as she watches him place a gentle kiss to the baby’s head and murmur something into her ear. He didn’t look back at her as he left and she didn’t dare move until she heard the front door click shut behind him.

She can feel Elsa’s arm sliding round her shoulders, hear her soft whisperings in her ear but all she can think about was the look on his face when she told him she didn’t love him. He looked broken, she thinks morosely.

“Emma, it’s okay.” She slowly turned to face Elsa, her friends soft smile soothing her slightly as she wrapped her in her arms, “I know darling, it’s okay.”

Emma lets out a slight sob, before pulling back and wiping fiercely at her eyes with her shirtsleeves.

“I’m fine,” She says as convincingly as she can muster, “It’s fine. He leaves, and that’s fine. That’s who he is. Eva and I are far better off with him.”

Elsa is looking back at her with a slight frown, clearly sceptical but before she can open her mouth to say anything Emma has cut her off,

“Come on, we’ve got a dinner to host.”

\---

It’s late afternoon by the time everyone starts to leave, Emma stands there with Eva in her arms, hugging everyone and thanking them for coming. Eventually she’s left alone with Eva and Graham, who has made a start on the enormous mountain of dishes in the kitchen. She watches him for a moment, Eva balanced on her hip before he looks up at her and smiles. She returns the smile, and _god,_ she should be happy. Graham is everything she has ever wanted in a guy, he’s sweet and dependable, and makes her laugh. He’s not Killian, pops into her head and she shakes the thought off, refocusing instead on the man in front of her.

“I’m gonna put the little princess down,” She says, stroking her free hand over Eva’s soft brown hair, her little head slumped against Emma’s shoulder as she sucks her thumb, oblivious to the drama around her.

Graham hums and continues with the pan he’s scrubbing, only replying as she starts to turn away.

“We need to talk though, Emma, once she’s asleep.” His voice is soft, without any hint of anger or frustration and she swallows furiously, nodding.

She takes her time with Eva, bathing her thoroughly and then reading her as many stories as she wants, the little girl safely ensconced in her arms giggling in delight at the different voices she makes. However, it doesn’t last, the little girl finally loses her battle against sleep, her blue eyes flickering shut. For a moment Emma contemplates staying up there with her, unwilling to face the inevitable conversation that awaits her downstairs. Finally, she sighs, pressing one last kiss against Eva’s forehead before carefully shutting her bedroom door and heading downstairs.

Graham is waiting for her in the living room, a beer in his hand, and he looks up when she enters, an unreadable expression on his face.

She sinks down into the chair opposite him, licking her lips slowly.

“I finished the dishes,” He says eventually and she nods gratefully.

“Emma,” By the time she looks up he’s on his knees in front of her, his beer set down on the coffee table and he’s taken both of her hands in his. “Emma, I want to be with you, you know that,” She nods wordlessly, “But I need to be with someone who wants me back.”

She lets out a sob, prising one of her hands away from his and using it to cover her face. His expression is grim but determined as he presses on.

“You’re not a bad person, Em, but I can tell you still love him.” She brushes at her eyes frantically, her teeth clamping down on her quivering lip, willing herself to hold it together.

“Graham, I…” She breaks off, looking back at him sadly through her tear filled eyes, “I know, Em, I know.” Before she can say anything else he’s gathered her in his arms, letting her sob into his shoulder as he rubs soothing circles on her back, and she _hates_ this, she hates that she found a genuinely good man and she’s hurt him. Once her loud sobs have slowed, Graham slowly pulls away.

“You should call him,” His voice is tight but sincere and she can’t bring herself to do anything but stare wordlessly back at him.

He sighs, dropping a kiss on the top of her head as he grabs his coat and heads towards the front door, pausing slightly in the doorway.

“Goodbye Emma.”

Then the door clicks shut and Emma finds herself alone, once again.

\---

His first thought had been to drive to the airport and catch the next flight out to LAX. He’d made it as far as the airport before sighing and turning the car around. But the thought of his empty apartment had been too much to stomach, so instead he’d settled for the bar beneath it, and done what he did best – drink.

Except it hadn’t worked.

He couldn’t remember a time in his adult life where he hadn’t been able to find comfort at the bottom of a rum bottle but today was that day. He’d sat there nursing his glass of rum for the entire afternoon, unwilling to move from his solitary position, before he’d given up, pushing the bottle away. The bar was thankfully empty; it was Thanksgiving after all. Sighing he carefully replaced the rum bottle, washing his single glass in the sink behind the bar before leaving the lone glass alone on the drying rack. He stared at it for longer than was strictly necessary, resisting the urge to grab it and hurl it against the wall. That’s what he’d done when he’d first lost Milah. Drink until the pain was bearable and then taken out his anger on whatever objects he could find. But he didn’t want to be that guy anymore, he wasn’t that _guy_ anymore.

With a heavy heart he carefully pushed the back door open, finding the staircase that led to his modest apartment there. He’d never cared much for the place, he’d just moved there after he bought the bar to save on rent. It had never been anything more than a place to sleep and eat and bring women back to. His hand clenched involuntarily at thought. It had once seemed so easy, the endless string of faceless women parading through his bedroom but now it seemed like the hardest thing in the world. He couldn’t even fathom wanting anyone but Emma; she had ruined him for other women.

Sinking onto the sofa he let his head rest in his hands as he contemplated his next move. Obviously he needed to go back to L.A. in the morning. He didn’t technically need to be at work until Monday but really what was there for him here?

 _Eva,_ the voice inside his head reminded him and he let out a groan.

He’d failed her. After everything David had done for him, giving him a home here in the US he had failed at doing the same for his only daughter. And as much as he had tried to justify his trips back to Boston to visit the little girl he knew deep down it wasn’t enough.

She’s better off with Emma, he thought bitterly, lifting his head up enough to look at his phone screen. His lock screen was still a photo of the three of them from that fateful day at the beach, Eva in the middle laughing with Emma staring adoringly down at her and him, arm outstretched to take the photo, gazing across at Emma. The woman sitting next to him on the plane back here had complimented him on it, even offering that Eva looked so much like him. He’d swallowed hard and accepted the compliment rather than telling the truth, because what difference did it make? As far as he was concerned Eva _was_ his. David had trusted him with the most important thing in his life and he would be damned if he wasn’t going to fight for her.

With a renewed sense of purpose he stood up, the realisation hitting him. It didn’t matter what happened with Emma, if she wanted to be with Graham then she could, she was right – she didn’t owe him anything, but there was no way that he was going to leave Eva. As soon as his contract on the West Coast was up he was going to come back and he was going to _fight_ for her. Feeling reenergised he tossed his phone back on the sofa and headed for the shower, a long shower was what he needed, to wash away the past and clear his head.

He didn’t notice his phone vibrating.

 

_Emma Swan._

\--

“Damnit Killian,” Emma muttered to herself as his phone went to voicemail for the third time in a row, casting her eyes up to her rear-view mirror to check Eva was still sleeping in the back of the bug.

She’d let herself sit in the darkness after Graham had left for a while before it had hit her, she _needed_ to see Killian. What had seemed so complicated for so long suddenly was so clear; the reason it was never going to work with Graham was because it was too easy, too safe. She missed having someone that challenged her, that infuriated her and could make her feel a million different things all at once. She missed _him_.

Except she had no idea if he was even still on this side of the country. He had been right that evening when he had told her they had more in common than she thought, he was a lost boy just like she had grown up a lost girl – and she knew exactly what she would do if she was him, _run_. But there had been a pull, something telling her not to give up yet, which was how she found herself driving to his, having lifted Eva straight from her crib to her car seat, with no plan as to what she was going to do if he was in.

Pulling up outside the bar she paused for a moment, appreciating just how stupid this was. But before she could let herself overthink the decision she’d yanked her keys out the ignition and was out the car, running round the other side to retrieve Eva, who had thankfully slept through the whole trip.

\--

That’s how Killian found himself standing half naked (thanking the gods that he’d at least had the sense to slip on sweatpants before answering the door) in front of Emma, who was staring at him with wide eyes and a slumbering Eva in her arms as she shifted her around awkwardly, trying to distribute the weight better.

“Swan.” His wide eyes probably gave him away, but he didn’t miss the way her eyes had flickered appreciatively down his torso before looking back up at him.

“Can you take her?” He nods wordlessly as she awkwardly transfers Eva into his arms, “Sorry, she’s just getting big, harder to hold.”

He nods again, transfixed as though he can’t quite believe that this is actually happening.

“Can I come in?” She says eventually and he shakes his head, stepping back to let her in and kicking the door shut behind her with his foot. They stand awkwardly there in his living room for a moment before Eva stirs.

“I’ll just go put her down.” He disappears back into his bedroom, where he keeps the crib he’d bought for her a few months before and gently lowers her down, pulling the covers up around her and planting a soft kiss on her forehead.

He’s stalling, but gods, what is she doing here? Gathering his courage he takes a deep breath and heads back into the living room, making sure to shut the door behind him. Emma jumps up at the noise, startled out of her reverie.

“Killian, I’m sorry,” She moves towards him and he notices the tears glistening in his eyes and he averts his eyes. She ignores him, moving closer still.

“I’m so, so sorry.” Her face is right in front of his now and he has no choice but to look back at her, “I ruined everything. I was so scared of getting hurt that I thought I would hurt myself, hurt us, first. And it was stupid, but I’m sorry and I’m here now and I,” She pauses, licking her lips nervously, “I love you.”

Her eyes are gleaming but he forces himself to look away.

“What about Graham?” He manages hoarsely, jerking his head back when he hears her soft laughter.

“Graham was…” She reaches a hand up to trace the edge of his face, “He was a really great guy, but he wasn’t you. And I’m done pretending not to love you.” She takes a shaky breath, her hand still cupping his face, “I’m all in if you are.”

He can feel her hand trembling on his face, and when he meets his eyes he can see the vulnerability in them. Pushing all his pride away he leans in, greedily capturing her lips with his, feeling her tears falling down her cheeks and onto his. After a moment he pulls away, using the hand that isn’t holding her to wipe away the tears falling down her face, but she’s smiling at him, and god if he hadn’t missed that.

“About bloody time, Swan.” He whispers against her lips, smiling as she laughs, letting his hand get tangled in her blonde hair as he pulls her back in to him, determined that this time, he won’t let her go again.

 

 

 

 

_FINIS_


End file.
